A Tag

So, Parul and Inexplicably both tagged me to write about the 5 things that I love about being a Mom. I'm going to keep this one short, and I won't be tagging anyone else about it, if that's okay with you guys, mostly because I'm usually so late on these things that all the other mommy bloggers I know have already done the tag about six posts ago :-).

But here goes, since you asked. The five big reasons why I love being a mom, in no particular order:

1. Having the cutest, most lovable person in the world to cuddle up with at the end of the day, no matter what.

2. Having someone around who can always lift my modd, and make me laugh by simply making a funny face, or nonchalantly farting at all the right moments, dozens of other things.

3. Rediscovering the best things in the world again - including the little ladybird in the grass, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, ice-cream, and many other things.

4. Having my own personal entertainer. Being her own personal entertainer. It's all very entertaining. Except when it's not, which is usually when she decides 'It's 4 a.m. Time to wake up and have some fun with Mama!'.

5. The knowledge that you can really change for the better. I've been a blissfully ignorant child, a clueless moody teenager, an overly competitive performance-oriented career woman - and I think I'm far more balanced overall, and certainly quite happy. Part of it is the effect of the pregnancy and postpartum hormones wearing off ; but part is a very conscious effort to be the kind of mom that Peanut could be proud of. Well, right now she would still be proud of me even if my chosen profession was that of Axe Murderer, but eventually, she will grow up and know better, and for that future Peanut, I paraphrase Jack Nicholson from As Good As It Gets and say 'She makes me want to be a better person' .

And that's it! Yay, I did it! Completed a post in one go!

Okay, Peanut is clawing at my face now. Bye.

So much to write about! Oh Dear!

Where do I begin? Should I just start off from somewhere near the beginning? Or might it be better to just put down the key highlights and then choose to elaborate on them? 

- My cousin Mini has got married! The wedding was last week, and we had the most awesome sangeet at my mother's place. The sangeet itself was very different from the typical 'ladies sangeet' affair - but we had the mehendi-walaas, the chudi-waala and us - the dance-waalas! Yep, we pretty much boogied the night away and the best part was that everyone was on the dance floor, right from little Peanut and her cousin Nikki to my grandmother. 

Mini is marrying a rather wonderful Australian man named Russell - a dirt-biking microbiologist, if you can wrap your mind around that mind-boggling combination. As I told him when they were finally leaving for Australia, I'm just so glad that two such wonderful people have found each other. Russell's family - his parents, brother and sister-in-law - had come down for the wedding here, and I must say they are rather good sports. I want to elaborate on this later, but basically, since they wanted to experience the 'true Indian wedding', we had a band arranged for a little 'baraat'. And despite our warnings, the silly band-men started asking the Australians for money while they danced. Except for the fact that they chose to do this by twirling their fingers around the head of the groom - to signify that it was in his 'blessing' - but the twirling-finger action was misconstrued by the hapless foreigners to mean that they were being asked to spin around - which they just good-naturedly wrote off to some strange Indian tradition. Therefore, we had a situation where there were in the baraat, there were:

* increasingly frustrated band-waale, trying hard to get their request for a tip across through their twirling hand-signal and other assorted means...

* increasingly puzzled and dizzy spinning-round-and-round Australians who were beginning to wonder if they had to spin all the way to the wedding venue...

* increasingly shameless my-family-members who were laughing too hard and were too busy taking pictures, to actually think about explaining to the people in our charge that they should probably stop spinning. 

Yeah, Mini - I know you weren't too amused, but wait till you see the videos. Ha ha ha ha hah ah ha ha haha ....

- Then there have been other various things which I should write about later, including: 

- How Vijay and I actually performed at the sangeet - with - wait for it - this song. Govinda and Raveena, we did you proud. (Not! We practiced a total of 3 hours two days before, and little Peanut was quite traumatized watching us...) But we did it anyway, and it was great fun!

-My nicking little 5-month old Nikki while trying to helpfully trim her nails and going through horrible guilt for a whole day

- Peanut's two new cousins landing up from America and her excitement at meeting them, manifesting itself in her pretending to be a dog at 2 a.m. and screaming 'Bhau-bhau' at them around a hundred times.

- An awesome conversation I had with an eight-year-old in the park yesterday, which made a whole lot more sense than some of my recent conversations with adults!

Okay, but for now, I have to go and wake up a jet-lagged family for a 4 o'clock lunch. 

Did I mention I love Saturdays?

What Peanut Says

- Mama - favorite word. favorite person. Meeee!
- Dada -second favorite.
- Ka - for the K
- Ino - For our driver, Vinod.
- Bwaaa - my Bua
- Puh-paa - my grandfather
- Nana - my uncle, Bua's hubby.
- Duuu - for Didu, my mother
- Maa (pronounced like the hindi word for 'me') - my sister
- Mall - for ball
- Paa - for park
- Paa - also for water
- Thanna - cold water
- Too - Toot sweet, song from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
- Chee Chee Man Man - above mentioned movie
- Bay-bee - for Baby
- Dee Dee - for little girls (and unfortunately for them, little boys too)
- Boo - for book
- N'Kal - for Uncle
- Anty - for Aunty (rarely said)
- Ikeem - for icecream ( I didn't know she could say this until she impatiently screamed it at me while I was having one)
- Gar - for Ghar - insists on going there very quickly after I get back home
- Paar - for 'pyaar' - she gets my grandpa to pat my arm when I come home
- Dudu - the actual first word when I get home - well before Mama.
- Suh-lute - Salutes, after putting on any hat she can find
- Joo - Juice, her favorite drink
- Cheesh- her favorite snack
- Shu-Shu and Poo-Poo - self-explanatory, said after the act, though I hope this changes soon
- Kal - for Twinkle, Twinkle, makes me sing this sometimes
- Baa - for Baa, Baa Black Sheep, makes me sing this sometimes too.
- Mumma - for the song in Dasvidaniya. Loves this song.
- Happle - for Apple
- Humm - for 'eat'
- Annnar - for Pomegranate
- Bed - for Bread
- Par - means Upar, pats my shoulder and tries to get me to carry her on them. Sometimes works.
- Tee - means TV. Said with an engaging grin, unfortunately charms my grandpa to switch it on for her a bit too often.
- Chawwo - Chalo, let's go!
- Baby Chho - Baby is sleeping
- Choo choo - train
- Boww-woww - dog (also cow, horse, and I think almost all other four legged animals)
- Haa and naii - yes and no.
- Tha - Thank you.

Okay, can't think of more now. Lunch beckons.

Judge me...not!

This is one post where the words aren't really flowing.

It's something which I wasn't sure I really wanted to even write about in the first place.

But then I thought I just would.

So the thing is - one of the reasons that I've just not been blogging too much of late, is that I actually have been feeling that we mommy bloggers are a rather judgmental lot.

I can't actually think of all the various things that I've read in the past few weeks that have made me form that impression - but it's there, somewhere.

First of all, this 'judging' thing is very high in general - I think as a society, we probably have this tendency to comment on 'other people' and their life choices, rather a lot.

This post has actually been triggered by Rohini's post on judging and comparing ( it's been so long since I blogged that I can't seem to link it to that particular post, so just linked to her blog) - though hers was a humorous take on this very natural impulse that we all have as far as judging goes.

Some of the things that make me feel judged...

a. The whole working mom versus stay-at-home-mom thing. Sigh. Yes, I don't spend as many hours in the day with Peanut as I would, were I at home. Yes, maybe she would turn out differently if I did spend the whole day with her. But, considering that I might die of boredom of sitting at home or of being her all-day pacifier, and research shows it's difficult to be a good mom when you're dead, this one just works better for me.

b. Yes, my daughter isn't too tough. She's rather delicate and hasn't put on too much weight in the last few months. Her doc says she could have put on another kilo or two by now, but by and large, she's fine. So I guess it's okay. But I don't feel it.

c. No, she isn't talking much at all, although she understands almost everything we say, and makes herself understood through monosyllables, gestures and other amusing expressions. And I know that some, perhaps many, mothers have kids who are younger and speaking more by now. It shouldn't matter. But it does, at least a bit.

d. The whole thing about taking a maid places. Yes, the fact is that my daughter is being looked after by the K, but while I'm home, she doesn't let the K do a single thing for her. However, sometimes, it's just easier to also take the K along for things like shopping, or even when I am visiting someone. And yet, the recent verdict seems to have been that this, too, is somehow wrong, insensitive, so on and so forth, and that I am somehow 'missing out on her childhood' by letting the maid help even when I'm around. Uhh- I don't think so - although some people do.

e. On not wanting to spend every minute of my waking (and non-working) hours with her - yes, I do believe in some time for just me - or just me and my husband. Those opportunities are not many. I remember reading a judgment on a mother who apparently 'sneaked into her own house for an hour's rest' before letting her baby discover she had arrived. This hasn't ever happened to me, but I totally understand the need for some rest after a particularly bad day at work - and hey, perhaps it helped that particular mom be far more engaged after an hour's rest? Just saying.

f. Overall, we seem very quick to judge each other or 'other mothers' and a lot of time, we use phrases like 'I would never do that.....I do it this way...I make sure that in MY case, MY kid is treated such and such way...'...'I NEVER let MY baby watch TV' ...'How could she let her baby 'cry it out'? (maybe it worked for her?)...'You're STILL breastfeeding?' ...(yes, I am and mostly loving it if I don't have to do it every two hours)... Yada, yada, yada.

Now, the thing is, I could totally be over-reacting to this. But I want to hear from the rest of you, and I want your honest opinions, please.

Do YOU think we collectively are too judgmental - as a mommy blogger community, I mean? And would appreciate if we didn't come up with the usual ' judging is normal, we wouldn't be human without it' and all those qualifiers.

Open up and tell me if you've felt judged or uncomfortable about something you've read - either as a post, or people's responses in comments and so on.

And just as a thought - you think we could just give each other a break?

And am I over-reacting? Being terribly defensive because I am unsure of my own parenting? Possibly. But so what? The feeling lingers, though I care a lot less about it than I used to...

Edited to add: The words that weren't flowing in the beginning, certainly flowed later! :-P

Am posting the answer now...

In the comments to my previous post though - so that for those who want to give it another shot after the clarification below, the answer isn't given away straight up -

The clarification is for all those looking for the 'other third possible solution' is that the ONLY two choices are - allowing it to proceed on Track A towards 3 kids on the used track, OR diverting it to Track B towards the lone child on the unused track. You can't pick up the kids, warn them off, stop the train, blah blah blah. So don't be smarties, please! Just choose one of the two...

A Morbid Hypothetical Situation

...was described by our Boss as an opening to one of our all-day meetings earlier this week. I was quite fascinated by the way people reacted to the particular question that he posed and thought I'd check out how other people would answer.

The situation was described as thus:

- There are two train tracks - Track A and Track B.
- Track A, is a track that is in regular use, while Track B, is a track that is not in use.
- On Track A, 3 children are playing - while on Track B, one child is playing alone.
- A train is hurtling down Track A, and it's heading for the three kids.
- If you are in charge of the lever that switches the course of the train between Track A and Track B, and you therefore have only two choices, which one would you choose and why?

a. Let the train continue on Track A towards the 3 children OR
b. Divert the train to Track B towards the kid playing solo?

The idea here is to not think too much, and put down your instinctive response.

I'd be interested to know your first reaction, reasons why, and whether your answer changed as you wrote it in the comments section.

I will tell you the 'correct answer' after a while - let's say after 8-10 people submit their views?

That sounds fair to me

Parental Instincts

Mother's instinct....

I'm sitting, playing with Peanut on the bed. She's in a giggly mood, and is flopping all over the place. I turn to talk to Vijay, and see out of the corner of my eye that Peanut is doing a backward flop with full gusto.

I also notice simultaneously that my husband has foolishly left his laptop on the edge of the bed, which is where my baby's head is going to land in the next few milliseconds.

Time stands still for me, my heart skips a beat. Without thinking, my hand lashes out and thwacks the baby's head, deflecting her in the nick of time. She lands safely, her head narrowly missing the laptop, although her happy eight-toothed grin is wiped off her face, and startled by my intervention, she starts to cry loudly.

Father's instinct...

Vijay has so far been but a mute observer to this event, but now he leaps into action. But to my shock, instead of congratulating me on my quick action, he simply uses the opportunity to win some brownie points with the baby, immediately pouncing upon the wailing, confused child and saying...

'Oh my poor little one...Mama ne maara?...Dada ke paas aao...Dada nahin marega...'.

Whatever. He's just lucky he didn't get the laptop against his head.