Conversations with Some Random Kids I Made

(Crossposted from my Facebook page here)

Part 1: 

We're trying to get ready to go for my brother-in-law's birthday party and I'm very hassled because the kids are running here and there and refusing to get ready.

I spot Pickle fiddling with something and shout 'Pickle! Why aren't you getting ready?'

He looks up at me, chin quivering, with big innocent eyes. It takes him a moment but he swallows and manages. 'I'm packing for Shaunak-Uncle party, aren't I?'

I'm immediately chastened. 'Sorry, son. Go ahead. You finish packing and then we will go.'

'Thank you.' He pulls himself up to his full height and says with the greatest of dignity. 'Have you seen my Stapler?'

****

On the way, I can see the kids are falling asleep. So I try to divert their minds.

'And so, when we're older, Mum and Dad will live with Pickle for the first four months of the year....with Peanut for the next four and with Papad for the last few months. Right?'

Papad chimes 'What will be in mine?'

I understand because we've had this conversation before. 'Christmas. We'll be celebrating Christmas in yours, and Diwali, of course, and...we'll have presents for your kids too...'

I notice that Papad looks very worried. I sigh. 'Now what, son?'

'I don't wan to have a baby.'

'Why?' I ask gently.

'Because when they cut my tummy open, it will HURT.'

****

I realize there may be a fundamental error in education here. But before I can say anything, Peanut pipes up irritatedly.

'Oofff Papad! Boys don't have babies, only girls do.'

'Yes, that's right.' I confirm, smiling at him reassuringly.

'Why boys can't have baby?' Papad asks.

'Well...' I really don't feel ready for this right now. 'It's like that only, beta. Even amongst animals if you see, it's always the female who has the babies, and...'

Peanut, interrupting with the most heart-felt anguish, holding her head dramatically 'WHY? WHY is it always US?'

Part 2: (An earlier post)

I'm riding in the car with my twin sons after some shopping.

Papad suddenly says, a worried frown on his face ''Don't grow old and die, Mummy.''
Pickle ''Don worry Papad. Girls don't grow old. Only boys do.'
Me ''Uh, well, that's not really true, Pickle. Everyone grows old and ...that's just the way life is.''
Papad clings to my arm and cries ''Noooooo''
Pickle stands firm. ''No, girls don't grow old. I know dat.''
Me, tickling Papad's chin comfortingly. ''How do you know dat, I mean that?''
''I never seen.'' says Pickle.
Me ''Of course you've seen old women as well as old men, Pickle!''
Pickle, with a crafty look on his face ''I seen old wimmin but never an old GIRL.''

*****

Papad is still looking traumatized, so I just try to change tacks with ''Well, by the time I grow old, you guys will be all grown up, right? And Papad will be a pilot!''
Papad immediately looks happier and so I press on ''And he will wear a uniform and look so handsome, right?''
He starts to beam, and I'm encouraged ''And he will fly planes to America and Canada and...''
Suddenly, the exact same worried frown is back on Papad's face.
I pause uncertainly.
My little son confesses ''But I don know the WAY.''

*****

I explain that they'll have maps to be able to tell the way.
Pickle ''I know which way is left and right.'' He holds up his right hand proudly and says ''dis is LEFT, hai na?''
''Oooh, look'' I point out ''a train!''.

Thankfully, we're reaching home now.

To Bharatpur & Back Again: Part 1 - The Taj Mahal

Unlike a lot of other families, we don’t get to take longish vacations, but this year Vijay and I resolved we’d go on a few mini-breaks with the kids. During the summer holidays, we went to the Garden Valley Resort in Nighlaat, which was quite a delightful experience I meant to blog about but didn’t, and then we took a day trip to Jaipur and Chowki Dhaani which also the kids really loved.

Last week, we decided to make use of the Dussehra holidays to go to Agra. The kids hadn’t seen the Taj Mahal, and actually neither had Vijay – I only vaguely remembered going there as a kid. We then decided to combine it with a trip to the Bharatpur bird sanctuary – we discovered this was a decent season to see the migratory birds. I also remembered a cousin rhapsodizing about the Wildlife SOS bear sanctuary and thought we’d try and fit this one in.

The kids were so delighted that they spent several days drawing up multi-coloured Taj Mahals. Pickle’s was something else - and I couldn’t quite believe he’d made it himself – very unlike his other scrawled drawings.

We set out at 10 a.m. on the first day, much later than we’d initially planned – the drive from Gurgaon to Agra took about 4 or 4.5 hours. The trip was relatively smooth because we had our driver Kamal along in our trusty Innova. Smooth enough for Vijay, who chose to sit in front to ‘navigate’ and simply stretched out his legs and enjoyed the rode while I struggled in the back with three wriggly kids. Only when he turned around and saw my murderous face, the husband decided to come to the back for half hour, but was soon up front again, this time stating that he needed to play DJ because he had connected up his iPhone to the car’s music system but the speakers needed adjustment and so on.

He was then tempted to drive the car because the road was just so wide and empty. We whizzed along with him occasionally driving faster than he was supposed to, and yet slower than many cars around us. I reminded him to be careful – we had small kids in the car.

Papad piped up ‘100 miles Daddy!’

‘Oh, yes, beta – we were doing more than that also!’ Came Vijay’s cheery reply.

Our son repeated ‘100 miles!’

‘Yes, yes…more also!’

I waited until this exchange was repeated 3 more times, with little Papad getting increasingly frustrated each time. When I noted he was on the verge of tears but Vijay was still being thick, I informed him ‘He’s talking about the SONG, Vijay.’

‘Eh? Oh! Sorry, sorry, Beta.’ Vijay immediately went back to the passenger seat much to the relief of Kamal and me and everyone else in the car, and started to play DJ to settle our whimpering son. Our car was soon filled with the sound of Not a Shirrt on my baaack, Not a Penny to my name…Lord I can’t Go back Home This-Away, which my kids sang along to with great gusto, especially Papad.

We reached Agra and just then my mother called Vijay, saying she knew someone there who could accompany us to the Taj. We protested saying we would surely find it ourselves, it was kind of famous, but she was adamant. It turned out to have been a very good decision to request Praveen-Ji, an official of the Government of India to accompany us because basically as his guests, we got to beat the loooong lines of people standing outside waiting to get in.

The Taj was very, very beautiful – breathtakingly so, almost as good as Pickle’s Drawing. Peanut took the best shot. I don't know how she managed it, but it was wayyy better than all my attempts. 

To my surprise, the kids actually enjoyed the whole thing, looking around, feeling the stones, marvelling at the snatches of the story that they overheard from the guide we’d hired for the purpose. It helped that we also took a Camel cart ride ( very very smelly) on the way in, and a Horse Cart ride (not smelly, much better) on the way out.

I took a shot as the sun was setting of this thingy right next to the Taj. I thought it wasn't that bad, but it's pretty sad that this was the best I could do. Still, here it is. 

It was actually very crowded, but according to Praveen-ji, the traffic is actually about four times more on the weekends, which I was very startled by. I was glad we were there on a Wednesday. The kids were allowed to buy little Taj souvenirs which they claimed they would all use in their class for Show & Tell. In typical Indian style, the asking price was Rs.150. I paid Rs.40 for one, and Vijay managed to haggle the other two down from another vendor to Rs.25 each.

And then we bade goodbye to the Taj and Praveen-ji, who was quite unhappy that we didn’t take up his offer for a Papadi Chaat nearby, and then we were off to Bharatpur. It was about 7.30 p.m., an hour or so later that we reached the Surya Villas hotel – a fairly large property, done up in old-world style with a big courtyard area and all – it was nothing as fancy as the Baagh where Vijay and I had stayed a couple of years earlier, but we hoped it would turn out to be good value for money. A bunch of foreigners were enjoying a puppet show when we passed the courtyard and there was a swimming pool nearby with a DJ, which I personally thought spoiled a bit of the old-world charm. We ran into the owner, a courteous man, and his warmth helped make the place seem a little better. The rooms were pretty decent, and we were given a mattress for the kids. Of course, they all immediately jumped on the bed and left the mattress for me and Vijay. Fair enough. Not. 

That first night at dinner I got a little annoyed with a waiter who delayed bringing our food and seemed to have eyes only for the white people, a boisterous contingent of about 12 men and women, the other guests staying at the hotel. The kids were getting so hungry and cranky that I got up with them and told the fellow that he might as well just have the food delivered to our room. On the way to the room, I met the owner’s son (and co-owner of the place) and told him in no uncertain terms what had happened, including the fellow’s reticence about joining two tables together for us ( Vijay and I finally ended up doing it), the delays and various other little misdemeanors on his part. The owner looked quite shocked and expressed his apology and said he’d speak to him.

Vijay followed me and the kids up to the room. He waited until I was a little calmer and then pointed out that it looked like that waiter was overworked and overwhelmed – he seemed to be one of the few guys managing the place. I hotly argued that he seemed to have enough time and attention for the white folks, and we’d waited a whole hour for our order with tired and hungry kids. But the more I thought about it, I had a nagging feeling that my husband was right. Maybe there was another side to the story and I could have been more patient. Maybe I’d got the fellow in trouble with his employer whereas maybe he hadn’t really meant to be neglectful. I really, truly hated it when Vijay was right. Would have to figure this out with the dude the next morning.

The food was quite all right except that the cooks had been rather liberal with the spices. Also, this was the first time ever that I'd had noodles garnished with dhania, and it was strangely good. 

The Kids passed out early enough and soon Vijay and I dropped out of sheer exhaustion too. Good thing. The next morning was to be an early trip to the famous Keoladeo Bird Sanctuary.

Peanut's First Sleepover

In madam's own words:

SUBERB SLEEPOVER

Hiya Everyone!!!

So this thingamabob was on Sunday 18 September. It was my best friend A's birthday. She had decided for a sleepover AND she invited me!!! Mom and Dad said I could go. But the way Mom made me pack was hilarious. You would think I was going away for a year or two. She added sanitizer followed with Odomos with an extra Underwear.

But it was my first SLEEPOVER ever. We had so much fun. First we Passing the Parcel. And guess what? I won!!! You might not think it was that Grrrrreat but it was the first time I had ever won!

Next we played the Queen game. We first put on makeup, walked like a model. That was the first round of the Queens game. The second round was the Talent Round. We all had to dance. After that was the Kitchen round. We baked Pizzas in that round. The semi final round was the Desert Round. We decorated Ice cream sundaes in our own way. And finally it was the Intelligence round. Aanya's mother asked us a lot of questions. Then Finally the results came. My other Best friend S won the style round. She got a sash for it. Talent rounds winner was my classmate A. Kitchen round was won by A's best friend Tara. Desert round was won by Sa. And Intelligence round was won by.... ME!!! My sash read; INTELLIGENCE QUEEN. 

After that we watched a new Cinderella movie. I fell asleep at 3:30 AM and woke up at 8:00 AM.

That was the coolest day ever!!!

Pickle and the Post

*Cross posted from my FB page here*

I am cleaning up my room after about a year and find an old envelope. I'm about to throw it away when Pickle, my 5 year old wanders in aimlessly.

'You want this?'

'What it is?' He asks curiously. Then, as he realizes what the object is, his face changes. His eyes almost well up in tears of gratitude as he says 'THANK you Mummy.'

He then grabs the envelope from me and runs out screaming 'Papad! I got a POST!'

Soon his twin is in the room demanding his own 'Post' which luckily, I manage to source. They start to make their own special letters.

Pickle knows exactly what he wants to make. He comes up to me and confides.

'Mama, I'm making a letter for you. It will say

I love you forever I like you for always As Long as I'm living My Mommy You'll Be.'

I'm very touched by his plagiarism. I say 'That's great, beta.'

'Can you give me a Paper?'

'Okay.' I hand him a sheet of paper.

'How do you write I love you forever?'

I can see where this is going. 'Why don't you find that book, baby, and you can copy the words from there?'

'No.' He is firm on this point. 'This is not a copy.'

'Okay. Fine.' I sigh. 'Write 'I' and then 'L-O-V-E'

Five minutes later, I'm encouraging the little boy 'Well, you wrote the spelling of Ever very nicely? ...Just that you got both the E's and the R backwards...but that's okay, that's okay...' ( Papad cackles meanly in the background as he writes his own much shorter letter to his friend Uday)

After about ten minutes and two sheets of paper and much erasing, Pickle and I have only done about half of the poem and now I'm the one who's welling up in tears.

I suggest tentatively. 'Pickle? Why don't you guys go and watch a little TV now, and you can do this later...'

Almost before I've finished, the twins are out the door, unable to believe their good luck, Pickle having immediately and unceremoniously dropped his love letter to me, like a hot potato. It flutters to the floor and lies there sadly.

I lean back onto my pillow and sigh happily. Pickle pokes his head into my room and says 'Sorry I left your door open Ma' and smiles sweetly and then slams it shut.

I close my eyes, once again, so incredibly thankful for that wonderful invention called television.

Wonderboxx: September

So the nice folks at Wonderboxx have decided to send me - or rather, my kids - more boxes for review after the last time I wrote about them. Which is very nice because overall, it's a great concept and I really like the fact that the kids have something to look forward to which doesn't involve staring at a screen all the time.

The Wonderboxx is an innovative kind of monthly box that enables kids to learn as they play - each box is based on a particular theme, and contains a carefully selected set of items, which lets kids create things with their own hands. The Wonderboxx people said they'd like to send me two boxes each month, which I thought would work great - one for the 8 year old and one for the 5 year old twins! Sounds good in theory, right? Except that naturally, the twins had a meltdown at having to share their box. Still, I braved it valiantly, telling myself that this way they will learn to share, which is always such an important thing.

The theme for the younger kids' box (The Kiddos box, meant for 3-5 year olds) for September is Super Seasons.

The twins, once they stopped crying about who would get to grab what item in the box, started to play - there was a game that involved players picking up cards and guessing items suitable for a particular season ( e.g. scarves, boots for winter versus shorts for summer) - they were not too enthralled by this and it didn't hold their attention much.

Then there was a 3D tree which Papad picked up and tried to make. I sat down with him and told him how he was supposed to glue the sides of the tree together so that we would get four sides, one for each of the seasons. He resented my approach, which was to read the instructions and try to follow them and he snatched them away and ran into his room. He emerged a while later, proudly carrying four separate sheets of A4 paper on which he had stuck different sides of the tree. He seemed very happy with this and said he would take it to Show & Tell. I was like, whatever, dude. Have it your way. The important thing was he thought of a way to use it himself, which was nice.

The Seasons box contained a bunch of other things, including an Seasons-Wardrobe where characters have to be dressed appropriately for each season; an Activity booklet and a Storybook - the Activity booklet is something that Pickle seemed to find interesting because he started colouring in it - he couldn't play the word games, which is where Peanut took over and started to fill it all up. The storybook is one which we haven't read at bedtime yet. I have fast discovered that as far as the Wonderboxx for younger kids goes, it really does require a fair bit of parental involvement. I've also discovered in the process my own short fuse and lack of patience with my own kids when we're making something and I think this is a major flaw that I should work on. I really admire playschool teachers and in fact, all teachers of small kids for their patience. They should all get double or triple of their salaries and if I were in charge of this decision, I'd do it right now.

Peanut on the other hand, is frankly delighted with her box - the theme for her box (called the Ginomo set, meant for kids over 5 years)  this month was Air & Wind.

It came with  kits to make all sorts of little projects - so far, she's read all the instructions herself and made a windmill and well thingy, a balloon-powered little car, a pretty little fan, and basically enjoyed every aspect of the box thoroughly and is already waiting for the October one. Here's what she wrote on her own blog about it -

WONDERFUL WONDER BOXX!!!

Ok so here is the next blog as I said. So the thing is that a few months ago mom got me and Pickle Papad a wonder boxx. The truth is that we all love it. Of course any child would love it. My theme was light tales. Inside the wonder boxx there were ever so many things! I made a kilidoscope followed with a monster projecter box. There was a free torch, Tape and glue. Pickle Papad and me were delighted to here that if mom reviewed the wonder boxx then we would get 2 free each year!!! So mom said Yes and yesterday morning we got 2 new wonder boxes. Pickle papad were sharing 1 so I got the other. This wonder boxx theme was Air and Wind. I made a windmill and a magic fan plus a balloon car. I really enjoyed myself. Pickle papads theme was Seasons. They made a season tree. I am looking forward to next month cause we will get another wonder boxx soon. I don't care what theme I am going to get, cause what I really care about is the wonder boxx.


PS Mom has told me to write this so that she can copy half of  this on her wonder boxx review!!!  

*****

The last line there in the PS - she means I had told her to write this so that it would make up half of my own review but she clearly got a little confused. Still, that helped. 

Some pictures of the stuff she made. 

The little car powered by the balloon you can see in the picture. She'd blow up the balloon, attach the pipe to the back of the car and watch in delight as the car went a little way away as the balloon slowly deflated.

The above is the windmill she created. There's a little bucket that rises up and down from the well to drive home the concept of how wind energy can be harnessed.

The above is a fan that she made. The little strings are attached to a paper pipe and the fan obediently opens and closes as you push the pipe up or down over the straw.

Oh, yeah - and as you can see below - we actually went and used the recipe in the 'Cooking With Kids' section in the newsletter that comes with the boxes, and made Peanut Butter and Chocolate and Oatmeal Cookies - I put in too much milk and therefore they didn't really set properly but the twins loved them anyway! 

Thanks Wonderboxx folks, and keep them coming. One suggestion since I know you'll be reading this - can you look at creating a box which actually helps kids learn about, label and most importantly figure out how to handle their feelings and emotions? It's a little abstract as a concept but I'm sure you guys can figure it out. If it's not already in your pipeline of product ideas, please do consider putting it there! 

And readers - you can subscribe to your Wonderboxx here.

P.S - the Wonderboxx folks have told me that there's already a box planned in the next couple of months on the theme of feelings. Mind-readers, they are, or just good at their research! 

Hey Peanut!

Hello Kid,

So basically it's Daughter's Day and I thought of writing on my blog after quite a break, just to let you know you're an A-okay type of kid. Ha ha. Kidding. You're the best, Peanut. Let me tell you why:

- You're the first born and therefore you're always going to be special. And that's that. No matter how much you think your brothers get favoured - for both me and your dad, it's you all the way. ( Can you please remind me to take this post down when your brothers get on the internet?)

- Oh yeah, that reminds me. Till now, these Dear Peanut kind of posts were meant to be futuristic 'some day she will grow up and read this' types. But now you're already online, and we've even got you your own private blog. Isn't that awesome? For posterity, here's one of your first posts on this public blog, describing our family in a post aptly titled ''Welcome to the Madhouse''


Anyone wants to have a visit anywhere??? If yes then do not pick us!!! Even though we have a great number of mattresses I will have to introduce the MADHOUSE! First I will begin with Dad. Dad is ok type. But he is crazy about food especially Pharatas. He is always with Papa ji. Next is mum. She is good at teaching Zumba but beware she does have her limits! After Mum is ME! As you might see I am pretty impatient with my brothers especially Papadi chatu. I get along with Pickle alright. I am a bit fussy on food like Mister Dadulal Sharma. As for the DTTT They are gigantic fusspots on TV, Clothes and shoes. Those 2 should be warriors. As for K didi she must be pleased with god for giving her such a voice. She mostly goes like this "Onushka cupboard sae nickle jaw. Pickle jaldi khana khaw. Papad aapka school ka  kitab yaha kyu gira he? Isko jaldi sae uthaov" After her is A aunty she cooks food for us. But she also enjoys screaming as much as K didi. Next comes L didi. She is mostly very quiet but I think she keeps a record how much everyone in the family eats.  Last but not the least is Papa ji who I think is the best of the lot. And now I just introduced you to the MADHOUSE!!!


PS Next blog is going to be awesome so do not miss it!!!

- Nicely done, Peanut. I like your PS, it's a teaser to keep your audience hooked. Anyway, so I was saying that you're turning out to be a very talented, amazing kind of support - there are many times that I ask you to help with your brother's homework and it's great to see the way in which you patiently (hahahahahaha) explain stuff to them until they hit you and all of you come crying to me as a reminder that I can't quite abdicate all responsibility on this front to you.

- Abdicate. That reminds me. Thanks a lot for teaching Pickle and Papad all sorts of words. It's thanks to you that they've started telling me things like ''It's too Complicated.'' For your information, Pickle even told me indignantly yesterday ''I DIDN'T put sketchpen marks in that storybook. You can check my BLOG if you want''. I asked him if he even knew what a blog is, and he said 'Yes, it's something you made for Peanut on the computer.' Close enough. But the point is, you're a sharp cookie and it's making your twin brothers pretty sharp too. Could I perhaps take this opportunity to request you to make fewer Potty Jokes?

- Jokes. You love jokes. You love riddles. It's amazing how much you love jokes, even if you don't understand them. You've been telling us (repeatedly) a few of the same ones, and the good news is now you actually have started understanding them. Some of your gems:

Peanut: Where does a mouse go when it's lost its tail?
Me: I Dunno.
Peanut: A retail store. Hahahahahaha.
Me: That's great. But why's that funny?
Peanut:I Dunno. That's what it said in the joke book.

And

Peanut: Why did the man throw the clock out of the window?
Me: To see time fly.
Peanut (shocked): Yeah. (Recovers) Hahahahahahaha.
Me: Okay, but why is that funny?
Peanut: Because (mumble mumble) Okay, but Mum, here's another joke...

And

Peanut: Which is the biggest letter in the alphabet?
Me: Dunno.
Peanut: The letter C.
Me: Eh? Why?
Peanut: It said because it contains the most water.
Me: (Realization dawns). Aaah. Okay. (Suspicious) Do you understand this riddle?
Peanut: Yeah because if you turn the C a bit then it becomes THIS shape (Makes a U-shape with her hand) and then you can pour water into it. (Beams)
Me: Uhhh...that's the letter U you just made, Peanut.
Peanut: So? (Realization dawns) ...Okay, so what does this riddle mean?

- I could go on, of course, but I really think I should stop here. The only last thing I'd like to do is share with the world your congratulatory email to Rinky about her marriage. I know you loved her and that she told you she'd come back ( she shouldn't have done that), but it's also not right to expect her to keep a promise never to marry. I know you understand that already and just hope you won't mind too much that I'm doing this but it really is too hilarious. Sorry, but I already put it up on Facebook and everyone says it's the cutest hate mail they've ever seen. By the way, I LOVE the colours you've used, you're a lot more creative with your emails than I am!

- I could resist - just went quickly through the blog archives and found this post from 3 years ago. Even back then, you were clearly smarter than me! Here's you solving the biggest question on my mind!

 http://www.yashodharalal.com/2012/12/conversation-with-peanut.html

.....And these are only a few of the reasons that you're the most amazing daughter ever! I mean, of course -you're A-okay, kid.

Love,

Y-Mom

How to use Real Life to write Novels on Relationships.

(This article was written for Scroll.in. The full piece is here)

A few years ago, I thought of myself as a writer of humorous fiction. But now, three books down, it’s clear that the central theme of my writing is, and will continue to be, relationships in contemporary urban India.

I’ve looked at the first bumpy years of marriage, mid-life crises and divorce, and the struggles of a young woman with all her relationships  – family, friends, love and her own self. And all of this has involved getting in deep and sometimes dirty into real-life relationships around me. Here are the methods that helped me in my writing. Each of these has also, to my delight, added back to my life.

Paying attention to livingEach of us has a wonderful story to tell. The emotions and experiences that we go through are both similar and vastly different from each other’s. My first book was largely autobiographical, but even with subsequent fiction-writing, I found, and continue to find, inspiration in the events in my own life as well as of those around me. And this is what I believe makes for the all-important factors of relevance and relatability.

As a writer, this is incredibly liberating, almost therapeutic, because I’m able to make sense even of failed personal relationships through the power and structure of storytelling. Even when I’m going through a rough patch, it helps to treat it as potential material.

(Read it all here)